Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Randomize
