I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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