I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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