I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
