i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
