I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
