I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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