If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
