My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I should be sponsored by Trojan
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
