1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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