Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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