the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
