Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
