VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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