I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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