I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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