He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
