Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
