Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
