she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
