Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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