You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
