I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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