i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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