you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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