all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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