a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
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