I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
