sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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