My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
