Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
