You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
