dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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