If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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