Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
