I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
