I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
