is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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