meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I have feelings that need drinking.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
