Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
