my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
