her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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