Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I got chris browned last night
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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