Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
