i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
