dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
