I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
