all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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