Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
