when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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