Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I can't turn off my feet"
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
