Need sex. Gaining weight.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
