I will die if light touches me.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
